Healthy Healing vs. Critical Complaint: Motive Matters

Talking to supportive friends can help you triumph through your journey from victim to survivor.

(©Milada Vigerova, unsplash.com)

I’ve received so many grateful emails about my article, "He Despises His Ex" that I decided a follow-up post was in order. Most of the messages I received were from readers sharing similar stories, and how they came to realize that something was seriously wrong with their partner. After all, a normal, empathetic, and cognitively-stable person doesn’t demonize others—no matter what the other person supposedly did. A normal, cognitively-stable person doesn’t obsess over what others did to them to the point of it interfering regularly with their lives. A normal, cognitively-stable person doesn’t make sure everyone knows how monstrous their ex was and how it negatively affected them—unless they’re chronically looking for a scapegoat to excuse away their own behavior. 
 
Other messages I received contained questions, most of which can be summed up like this: “I’ve told my friends about the bad things my ex did to me. Does that mean I have an abusive personality, too?”
 
While I can’t say for certain since I don’t know each of you individually, the fact that you’re asking the question in the first place—and are genuinely concerned—is a clear indication of the answer: 

No. No, you are not abusive

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