was recently interviewed by Kiki Latimer of The Catholic Bookworm podcast to discuss my book, Don’t Plant Your Seeds Among Thorns: A Catholic’s Guide to Recognizing and Healing from Domestic Abuse (En Route Books and Media, 2024). We talked about many things, including why my book fills a necessary gap in Catholic awareness of such a delicate yet pervasive topic.

Many people who are in abusive marriages misunderstand what the Church teaches about domestic violence. They may believe that because they married in the Church, their marriage is indissoluble and therefore they’re “stuck.” Does the Church teach that abuse is just a cross to bear?

The quick answer to that concern is a firm NO! I dive more into the topic in my book, and it’s something I discuss with Kiki.

In my last post I discussed the topic of neuroplasticity, so I'd now like to dive further into our brain's amazing ability to heal itself from trauma, and how prayer plays an integral role in this journey.

​The nature of repetitive prayer helps us create what I call “grooves of virtue”in our brain, physically restructuring our minds to be directed toward God. The more we pray, the more we desire prayer; and the more we desire prayer, the more Christ-like we become -- and the more we open ourselves to the healing graces of our Divine Physician.

“Will I always feel this way?”

This is a common question I hear from clients who are suffering from the side-effects of domestic abuse and betrayal trauma. They’re afraid that their current feelings of hyper-vigilance, distrust, anxiety, anger or terror will become a permanent part of themselves, and they wonder how they can possibly heal. It feels as if their entire brain has been altered, shifted and changed in ways they never wanted.

There’s truth to that belief—trauma does change the internal structure of the brain. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D, points out that “When people are profoundly frightened, trauma creates a biological alteration of the brain.”
Yet God has designed our bodies in such amazing ways. He not only desires us to heal from the trauma of this fallen world, but He longs for it—so much so that He created our bodies as self-healing machines.

Neuroplasticity

Previous scientific thought was that after the developmental stages of childhood, the brain was fixed and couldn’t be changed or healed in its structure. Thankfully, continued advances in science have allowed mankind to understand more fully the mystery of God’s amazing creation—our human bodies. We now know that the brain can and does change all throughout our lives—which is both good and bad news. When we experience prolonged and/or intense trauma, the structure of our brain physically alters. Yet so, too, when we actively and consciously engage in healing, we can change the neuropathways of our brain to form healthy, God-willed behaviors, perspectives, and attitudes.

Jonathon Fessenden of Missio Dei and I recently had a chat about domestic abuse from a Catholic perspective, based on my book Don’t Plant Your Seeds Among Thorns: A Catholic’s Guide to Recognizing and Healing from Domestic Abuse. 

There have been countless secular books written on the topic of domestic violence, along with excellent podcasts, videos, articles, and other resources. However, there’s a hole in the field of domestic violence awareness within the Catholic Church. Although domestic abuse can easily be considered a global epidemic, it’s rarely talked about within local parish communities. Many—if not most—priests aren’t trained to deal with a parishioner who may come to them with the confusion and anxiety that result from being abused by a spouse.

It’s my mission to help change that.
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Faith-filled discussions about this topic need to be heard in order to facilitate safety, hope and healing for survivors, so I was thrilled to discuss this important topic with Jonathon. The talk went so well that we decided to record a follow-up in which we discuss Catholic annulments, resources for healing, and more.