 (@anniespratt / Unsplash.com) This article is a condensed and adapted version of information I included in chapter three of my book, Don’t Plant Your Seeds Among Thorns: A Catholic’s Guide to Recognizing and Healing from Domestic Abuse, published by En Route Books and Media. Available on Amazon or through my website. Special Offer! For 15% off the cover price a signed copy of my book, Don’t Plant Your Seeds Among Thorns: A Catholic’s Guide to Recognizing and Healing from Domestic Abuse, use coupon code CREATE15. After reading “Under My Thumb: Coercive Control and the Sensitive Victim,” a subscriber sent me an email to tell me that her ex-husband used to blare that same song as often as he could, laughing in a tauntingly cruel way. He’d encourage his children to sing along as if he was playing a carefree, fun game with them. They often did exactly what their dad wanted, not realizing how much they were wounding their mother—after all, they didn’t know he was purposely tormenting her, and they simply wanted his approval.
They didn’t realize he was purposely tormenting her even if they did feel, deep down, that there was something cruel buried inside their father’s “jokes.”
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 (tulla / Canva Photos) A trauma bond—sometimes called a betrayal bond—is caused when gestures of love, caring, or good-will are intermittently alternated with periods of abuse, exploitation, or betrayal. Each incident of caring, followed by toxic treatment, serves to intensify the bond.
Betrayal in any form is a violation of trust and a mistreatment of an individual’s vulnerability. What we thought to be true is suddenly revealed as a lie, and we feel as if we might be going crazy. When it seems like even our intuition has betrayed us—we thought this person was so wonderful, honest, holy, caring—how can we ever trust ourselves again, let alone others? |
AuthorJenny duBay, Trauma-Informed Christian life coach specializing in healing from betrayal trauma and domestic abuse. 
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