"When our friends fall into sin, we ought not to deny them the amenities of friendship, so long as there is hope of their mending their ways ...
When, however, they fall into very great wickedness, and become incurable, we ought no longer to show them friendliness."
(Saint Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologiae II-II, Q. 25, a. 6, ad. 2)
When, however, they fall into very great wickedness, and become incurable, we ought no longer to show them friendliness."
(Saint Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologiae II-II, Q. 25, a. 6, ad. 2)
(©Keariel Peasley Photography, used by permission)
Divorce and remarriage within the Catholic Church are topics that are often misunderstood. Many people falsely believe that once married, a person can never divorce or remarry; or, if they do divorce and seek an annulment, the process will be painful and difficult. None of that is true.
In order for a marriage to be valid within the Catholic Church, before a couple exchanges vows they must "freely express their consent" to the marriage (CCC 1625).
Abusers don't pop out of nowhere; a loving a devoted spouse doesn't one day wake up and decide to spend the rest of his marriage abusing, domineering, and controlling his partner. Even if signs are too covert to notice before vows are shared, the underlying dynamic of abuse is most likely lying dormant during the "love bombing" stage of the relationship, yet it's still present.
Domestic abuse is a form of infidelity. If your spouse refused to change, then staying in an abusive relationship is not loving neighbor or yourself (Mark 12:31); remaining in an unchanging abusive relationship is not loving the your spouse because you're enabling him to continue to abuse, and it's not loving yourself because you're not honoring the fact that you're made in the image and likeness of God (Gen 1:26).
In order for a marriage to be valid within the Catholic Church, before a couple exchanges vows they must "freely express their consent" to the marriage (CCC 1625).
Abusers don't pop out of nowhere; a loving a devoted spouse doesn't one day wake up and decide to spend the rest of his marriage abusing, domineering, and controlling his partner. Even if signs are too covert to notice before vows are shared, the underlying dynamic of abuse is most likely lying dormant during the "love bombing" stage of the relationship, yet it's still present.
Domestic abuse is a form of infidelity. If your spouse refused to change, then staying in an abusive relationship is not loving neighbor or yourself (Mark 12:31); remaining in an unchanging abusive relationship is not loving the your spouse because you're enabling him to continue to abuse, and it's not loving yourself because you're not honoring the fact that you're made in the image and likeness of God (Gen 1:26).
The word "annulment" confuses many people. An annulment within the Catholic Church doesn't make the marriage null, as if it never existed; rather, an annulment means that a marriage blessed by the Church and thought to be authentic turned out to be inauthentic because it failed to fulfill one or more of the fundamental requirements of a sacramental, indissoluble martial bond.
A Catholic marriage is valid if it fits these criteria:
Abuse of one's spouse is a grave sin; if you're in a domestic abusively marriage, seeking out the counsel of a priest knowledgeable in domestic violence can be the first step in obtaining healing and Christ-centered advice.
For further information on Catholic annulments, read Msgr. Charles Pope's article "What is Annulment and How Does it Differ from Divorce?"
You can seek annulment information at your local parish or by contacting your diocese.
Please also keep in mind that if you hesitate to seek an annulment because you're afraid of retaliation from your ex-spouse (if you're afraid that seeking an annulment will put you or your children at serious physical or psychological risk), your ex doesn't have to be notified. The participation of both parties isn't required in order for the annulment process to proceed. Talking to your local marriage tribunal can be of great benefit in helping ease your mind and clear up any questions you may have.
- Both members of the union are free to marry
- They give their full and open consent to the marriage, freely and without coercion
- They intend their marriage to be permanent, pledge to remain faithful, and are open to life and nurturing a family
- They intend the good of the other and agree to never do harm or evil to their partner, in any capacity; "love is patient, love is kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude" (1 Cor 13:4-5)
- Their consent to marry is witnessed by two people before an ordained Catholic clergy member
Abuse of one's spouse is a grave sin; if you're in a domestic abusively marriage, seeking out the counsel of a priest knowledgeable in domestic violence can be the first step in obtaining healing and Christ-centered advice.
For further information on Catholic annulments, read Msgr. Charles Pope's article "What is Annulment and How Does it Differ from Divorce?"
You can seek annulment information at your local parish or by contacting your diocese.
Please also keep in mind that if you hesitate to seek an annulment because you're afraid of retaliation from your ex-spouse (if you're afraid that seeking an annulment will put you or your children at serious physical or psychological risk), your ex doesn't have to be notified. The participation of both parties isn't required in order for the annulment process to proceed. Talking to your local marriage tribunal can be of great benefit in helping ease your mind and clear up any questions you may have.
"If one or both parties deliberately excludes an essential element of marriage such as the good of the spouses, the marriage is invalid (Canon 1101.2). Canon 1055.1 speaks of the good of the spouses as an essential element of marriage. The good of the spouses refers to the conjugal partnership, and it includes the right to personal dignity and fundamental human rights; physical, moral, spiritual, sexual and psychological integrity; and mutual respect. The partnership of the marriage covenant must include the equal dignity of the other person. In cases judged on this ground, the evidence is examined for the presence or absence of benevolence, companionship, friendship, caring, and partnership. A marriage involving physical and/or emotional abuse, absence of financial support, absence from the home, or refusal to treat one’s spouse as an equal might be examined on this ground."
(Msgr. Mark Duchaine, V.G., Diocese of Sioux City, as quoted in Dr. Christauria Welland's book, How Can We Help to End Violence in Catholic Families?).
(Msgr. Mark Duchaine, V.G., Diocese of Sioux City, as quoted in Dr. Christauria Welland's book, How Can We Help to End Violence in Catholic Families?).
