One of the most common questions I receive from readers consists of a mere three words, but three crucial words:
Can an abuser change?
This is an unanswerable question, since everyone’s relationship is different. All I can say for certain is that for most abuser types (excluding Type I, generally violent/antisocial), change is possible. After all, everyone has been given the gift of free will.
The true question is: How will they use their free will?
Change isn’t common—but it can happen.
Trauma rips a person wide open and uncovers past wounds they didn’t even realize they had, while at the same time layering new wounds onto an already-wearied soul. When the trauma presents itself in the form of repeated relational abuse and marital betrayal, a victim’s entire universe continues to spiral madly. Nothing can stop this head-long dive unless the abuse is finally eliminated, to be replaced with healing love.
I often turn to Sacred Scripture for comfort and inspiration as I continue to traverse my own healing journey. When I recently opened my Bible at random, I came upon these words:
I'm Jenny duBay, a domestic abuse survivor and now advocate. My degree is in Christian theology with a concentration on spiritual direction, and my vocational emphasis is on helping those who have suffered from domestic abuse to heal and reclaim their true selves.