“See, I told you that you’re the abusive one. And you just proved it!”
Have you ever heard those words from your partner? Have you been tempted to doubt yourself and believe them, even if in your deepest heart—perhaps a place you can no longer reach—you know those words aren’t true?
If you’re in a toxic relationship, rotating around and around on the dreadful abuse cycle, you may have sometimes reached your breaking point where the “fight” part of your reaction system took over. Perhaps you just couldn’t take it any longer. Your body felt like it couldn’t handle another second of mistreatment, and your mind had already become so confused and chaotic it was difficult to be inside your own head.
Because of the extreme stress you may have shouted back at your partner, called him regrettable names, even slapped or kicked him in an effort to … well, to just make it all stop! Afterward you likely felt shame, guilt and tremendous remorse for your actions, causing you to grovel an apology and wonder: Is he right? Am I the abusive one?
There are four main attachment styes an individual can develop in childhood, which directly impact future intimate relationships. Those attachment styles are:
In this article I’ll be focusing on the disorganized attachment style, and how painful this inconsistent dynamic is within the context of relationships.
October is a big month not only for the Church (it's the month of the Holy Rosary, the feast of the Miracle of the Sun, and Respect Life Month) but also for everyone.
Domestic Violence Awareness Month is fast approaching!
To prepare for the month of the Holy Rosary, Respect Life, and Domestic Violence Awareness, I've partnered with Laura Ercolino of Hope's Garden to create a Rosary Campaign to pray for peace in homes and restoration of hearts and families.
Participation is simple! We've created a digital packet of images you can share on social media, in your local bulletin, as flyers, and more. The ultimate goal is to get as many individuals and parishes as possible to pray a daily Rosary in the month of October for the intention of the healing of hearts, marriages, and families -- whatever form that healing may take.
Jenny duBay, Trauma-Informed Christian life coach.